Covid

 What's Covid like? A question I get often. Oh you mean besides awful? Covid has been kicking me in the gut literally and metaphorically since I was diagnosed. I've consistently told those who are listening that I believe it attacks your mind. It takes you to such sad places, places you've overcome already and felt strong for surpassing and here you are struggling with them again. It's a mental warfare. My brain is so foggy, I'm having some cognitive delays in my thought processes, the way that I type things out when I'm a fairly articulate woman I'm making mistakes. Sometimes it feels like you're breathing through a broken straw and you can't quite get in that full grasp of air. I have fears of Silent Hypoxia but I'm trying to not think about it.

This evening I did an interview with a kind woman from Global and told bits and pieces of my story and how I got by. She asked me that question and I don't think I took enough time to think about it. I know for a fact it's my little tribe here but it's also the messages, the calls, the video check ins, the silly memes or tik tok videos others are sending me to get by. I'm so grateful for all of that. Without it, I wouldn't be here anymore I know that much. My faith and my people get me by. 

That being said this morning was ugly ugly. I woke up so frustrated by the lack of seeing my daughter, and the fact that everytime I get better I get sick again and how hopeless and frustrating it can be when you dwell on that. I knew my steps from my therapist in the past so I said ok my brain is going to all the worst places I'm going to take a bath. Self care is step one in getting mentally to a better place and I think i've been so consumed in  that's all i'm doing is self care (vitamins, Medications, Sleep, Family) but I wasn't taking time to just breathe with the air I had. So I shut it all off, played some music and had a bath. When I got out I had emails to get to and I realized there's life to still be living despite being stuck. Despite it feeling like how can I do anything with life trapped here...But I can. I can give interviews, I can talk to people, I can let them know that they're not so damn alone even when they feel totally alone. 

I've always been convinced that I'm not living my life for me at all, I mean besides the faith aspect of knowing my life means more I think in a lot of ways I'm living so S has a mama, and F has a partner, and D&B have a daughter-in-law, and the P's have a daughter/sibling and their kids have an Auntie, and My friends have the person that makes them laugh and is always there when they need them (which I really am). I think what keeps me strong...is all of you. <3 

Here's some shots of facetime which ultimately is keeping me thriving. 

Goodness I miss hugging my people. <3