Seasons

 You know how they say they're are seasons for everything just like there are for the weather and the recycling of life. Maybe this year has just been my winter season or something. But I haven't had an easy go in life altogether so I think this just might be me. 

Covid messes with your brain. I'm convinced it's more of a mental illness than anything else. Yes it effects all of your other organs but your brain more than anything I think. Some people questioned is it the isolation or is it the virus but it's definitely the virus you can tell it's different. Not once in isolation in my other hospital stays did my brain get like this. Very very dark. I have darker dreams than I've ever had in my life. It's like it depletes your serotonin or something. 

My days consist of A Fever, Headaches, Diarrhea, Nauseau, And a really bad cough. Sometimes my heart beats so fast it seems. My Dr recently informed me that part of why your  brain and head hurts so bad is from the swelling which is the Viral Meningitis side of Covid. That was new information to me. I just feel like everything comes in waves and then you start piling on Restless Leg Syndrome, and Insomnia even though you're so exhausted.

 My baby cries for mama, and she's starting to forget she needs mama all at the same time and I'm not sure what's mentally harder. She's learning new things everyday right now and I feel like I'm constantly missing it. I pray this first year of her life hasn't messed her up somehow. I'm doing what I can here... Ugh. This year sucks. 

I'm so tired. I don't know what else to say not in the most positive head space today. I'm trying.