Freedom?

 27 days after I was symptomatic of covid and I was free from isolation. It felt bizarre. I mentally went through so much in that time that I feel different today. Everything I have gone through this year has transformed me step by step and it’s been the hardest for dang sure but it’s also been so beautiful. 

S attached to me immediately. There was no bond breakage thank goodness because there had been before but now she has trauma. She wakes up every 20-30 mins now at night to make sure I’m still there then falls back asleep. We’ve tested this theory with daddy too but she clung to me. It broke my heart, it’s still breaking my heart. Her home has become a strange place for her to be because she spent so much time with grandma and grandpa when they were free from isolation. Because 8 months is that beautiful month of attachments she remembered the main part of my house but not the rest of it so it’s all quite new and kinda scary at the moment. I’m just so thankful to be back with her. 

I’ve got a weird fog over me now. My mind isn’t the same. I’m slower to responses, I’m fatigued often, when I run up a flight of stairs I nearly pass out. It’s got me in a place of ok I already am overweight but now I really sound overweight which I was never before. I’m actually pretty with it activity wise for a big girl. It’s hard to hear others who had covid not go through many symptoms are if at all it makes me happy for them but it’s so not been my experience with it so I’m mostly envious that they got the minimal effects of it. Where as I’m dealing with an array of issues now, and my sense of smell still isn’t back. I often find myself in moments of voidness. It’s hard to say whether that was the virus or isolation. 

I learned a lot in isolation however. About the kind of woman I am, the kind of legacy I want to leave behind, the mistakes I’ve made in life. I’ve also been in a place of growing deeper again in my connection with the big guy upstairs. I’m in a good place with all of that and I can really see why I believe what I believe in what’s happening around me everyday. 

My family is my focus. My world. My everything now. ❤️